Monday Musings: My Child's Last Lap

I'm in my new era: mom to a high school senior. It's strange to even type those words as I truly feel like I just sent her off to kindergarten.

The memory of that balmy mid-August morning will always stay with me. She was dressed in her plaid jumper, carrying a butterfly backpack and a Hello Kitty lunchbox. She was so excited with a huge smile on her face. If she was anxious, no one would have known. She excitedly waved good-bye to us as we left her at school.

As for me, I was in my fourth month of pregnancy with our third child, while our middle child was starting full-day pre-school. Being a stay-at-home mom at that time, it was a rare occasion for me to be at home a few days a week without any kids in tow, until the new baby arrived in January. I can recall this surreal feeling after drop off. I cried all the way home in my quiet SUV. I couldn't wait until pick-up. The days felt so long at first. I suspect college drop-off will feel similarly in a year.

I'm making a conscious effort to cherish the upcoming nine months by carving out time for us to hang out with each other. The first weeks are already flying by, as the calendar is getting filled with school and sports activities, college application deadlines, scheduled ACT/SAT tests and an upcoming senior photo session (among other things).

I can honestly say these aren't the things I was thinking about when I was pregnant, getting up for early morning feedings or signing her up for the three-year old soccer team. I was just trying to survive life in the weeds. And then just when I have time to come up for air, she's driving and preparing to leave the nest. It's wild and a little heartbreaking.

I may not have any advice to offer at the moment, but once I come out on the other end, I will share my reflections and perspectives. Currently, I am pushing myself to focus on positivity by smiling and laughing more, and reducing stress and tears. It's important to remember that everything is unfolding as intended. We love and guide our children so they can design their own journey. Despite that, it's still really, really hard.

I hold the Class of 2024 parents close to my heart as they say their good-byes to their college-bound children. I'll leave you with this poignant quote:

“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.”

— Melissa Marr